Bright Words in Dark Times

I am unsure if you know this about me but if a book has been hyped to buggery & every person you see is raving about it, odds on I’ll hate it. I have been lured to a book so many times by hearing people say how great it is only to get to the end, or in a rare times, abandon it unfinished, & wonder what the hell everyone was talking about! I get quite cross when I feel as though I’ve wasted precious reading time on a crappy book. So when I started seeing Julia Baird’s new book, Phosphorescence, popping up everywhere I was skeptical. So skeptical in fact, that I really didn’t even bother to find out what the book was actually about, mistakenly thinking it was about her battle with cancer. But one night, as I was scrolling through Borrow Box looking for a new audiobook to listen to, it popped up. I reserved it & even when it became available it still took me 4 days to start listening because I wasn’t sure I was in the right headspace for such a heavy book. Boy was I wrong.

Random Thoughts

This post will probably make no sense but I am always better if I get my thoughts out of my head so here they are!

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hello friends. I thought I should pop in & say hi because I’m well aware that most of my last posts have been full of me telling you how I’ve not been ok. Friends, I’m ok. Not totally back to my usual self but I don’t think I’ve cried for 5 days! That’s good.

A Grain Salad to See You Through the Week (or just eat at dinner)

On Sunday I usually like to cook up something that we can eat for lunch at school & work. It’s has to be easily portable & be delicious. This grain salad ticks all the boxes. For me. Nobody else in my family likes this kind of food & that is fine. Their loss. More for me. I am ok with cooking food that I know only I will like just as I am ok with cooking food I don’t like, such as steak or mashed potato. Yes, I actually do not like those two foods but people in my house do so I cook it for them. Anyway, let’s talk about this grain salad. Below I’ll tell how I made it but not in proper recipe form. The good thing about this kind of salad is you make it how YOU like it, my way is just to give you an idea.

Tears. Fermentation & Baking.

Saturday started with me crying. Why was I crying? Because apparently I cry often now. But seriously, I don’t know why I was crying. I feel a bit broken inside & then I feel sad because I don’t feel like myself so I cry. Normally I am positive & motivated & productive. Lately I am not any of those things. Don’t worry, I am working on not feeling like this & letting the people in my life know I am having a hard time. But for the time being I’m just coming here to write it out. Sorry if it’s repetitive & boring (& a bit of a downer). I don’t want to talk about this on Instagram, the place I normally share my life, it feels like there are too many people there. Here there is like 5 people who read & that feels better. Here is nice.

After I had a bit of cry I knew I had to try & keep busy so for the rest of the weekend that’s exactly what I’ve done. Here’s a bit of what went on-

I bought a jun scoby (it’s like kombucha but made with green tea & honey) & some water kefir grains from a lady on gumtree. I’m back on the fermentation wagon in the hope I’ll amp up my gut health. And maybe also stop drinking so much coke no sugar.

On the way home I went through the maccas drive through, bought some food for me & the little kids to eat in the park. We ate & they were excited to finally back at a park . They played, & fought, while I read about deaths in custody in between watching all the very important things my kids needed me to watch. I’m not a park mum.

We came home & later that day I made spuds in the magic machine to have with chilli from the freezer. How good are freezers? They really do make life so much easier don’t they? I sat on the couch with my youngest son, watched a bit of a movie while crocheting & ordering more books online before going to bed to read. Day done!

Today, Sunday, I did not wake up & cry, in fact, I have not cried at all today so that is good. I decided to just keep being busy. I baked some regular sourdough & tried a new recipe- golden flax loaf. The regular loaf turned out perfectly, the flax loaf was a disaster. Afterwards, while lamenting the waste of flours & flax seeds, I realised I did not follow the instructions. I have a tendency to just jump in & not always read the instructions before starting. Hopefully next time I’ll do better.

See how the bread with the seeds looks gummy & undercooked? That’s not ideal. I still tried a piece & the taste was nice but the loaf went to the chooks. The top loaf is, as always, delicious. I then pushed on deciding busy was still best (despite wanting to go back to bed & watch Gilmore Girls) I baked the Donna Hay brownies that Jane suggested. She was right, they are great & after making the same brownie recipe for more than 15 years I think I might like this one more. It’s less sweet. Maybe my tastes have changed…..See that little row on the very end in the photo below? Thats my end. I love the edges best of all.

I have had black banana sitting on my kitchen table for over week waiting for me to bake them into banana bread. Today was the day! Except I decided to make Chrissy Tiegahns’s Banana Bunt Cake after reading that Stacey made it. It’s in Chrissys book which is a great book to have, & guess what? Not only did my bundt turn out perfectly but I bloody love this cake!!! I think it’s my new favourite. It has a delicious chew to it & the coconut gives a great flavour & texture. I left the choc chunks because chocolate gives Tim a headache. I cut two big hunks, one to give to my neighbour & the other to Tims mate who was over. I love sharing cake.

I stoked the bonfire that we quickly lit in the rain this morning, washed my car once it stopped raining & now it’s late afternoon. I was going to make a roast beef for dinner but I’ve lost motivation. But at least I kept busy today & that is good.

Happy week ahead friends.

xxx